Forty-Fucking-Three: Why I Feel Better in My 40s Than I Did in My 20s

I turned 43 recently. Forty-fucking-three. And do you know what? I bloody love it.

I know we're supposed to dread getting older. Especially as women. There seems to be this unspoken expectation that every birthday after about 35 should be met with mild horror and an increasingly expensive collection of face creams.

But I genuinely don't want to be 25 again.

Don't get me wrong, there were some definite perks. I was a professional dancer for 15 years, my body could seemingly survive on very little sleep and a lot of questionable life decisions (mostly fuelled by too many WKDs), and I definitely didn't need to think quite so hard about recovery. 😂

But would I actually want to go back and be that version of me again?

Absolutely fucking not.

Because the woman I am at 43 knows herself in a way that the woman I was in my twenties just didn't.

Getting older has given me something I didn't have before

For a huge chunk of my life, I was a people pleaser.

I worried far too much about what other people thought. I wanted everyone to like me. I found it difficult to say no. I didn't always speak up when something didn't feel right.

And somewhere along the way, particularly in my 40s, that has changed.

I've found my voice.

I've got better boundaries. I'm more confident in what I believe. I'm much happier saying no to things I don't want to do and yes to the things I actually fucking do.

And no, I haven't suddenly reached some magical level of enlightenment where I have everything figured out. (Although I do have all of my wisdom teeth, which has got to count for something right?)

I'm still me.

I still have moments of self-doubt. My perimenopausal brain occasionally leaves me wondering why I've walked into a room, and I've found my phone in the fridge more than once.

But I know myself better now.

And I really like her.

I don't want to spend the next 40 years trying to look 25

This is probably one of the biggest reasons I feel so strongly about the way we talk to women about health and fitness as they get older.

Because so much of the messaging is about fighting ageing.

Lose the middle-aged spread. Fix your hormones. Get your old body back. Reverse this. Anti-age that.

As though ageing is something that's happening to us and we should be doing everything possible to stop it.

Fuck that.

I don't want my 25-year-old body back.

I want my 43-year-old body to be strong.

I want muscle. I want energy. I want to feel confident and sexy. I want to be able to do all the things I love now AND still be doing them in another 10, 20, 30 years.

And yes, I still care what my body looks like.

We're allowed to say that.

Wanting to lose some body fat or change the way your body looks doesn't automatically mean you hate yourself. Just like loving yourself doesn't mean you have to wake up every morning delighted with every inch of your body.

Both things can exist at the same time.

That's a huge part of what self love means to me.

Maybe our best years aren't behind us

I think that's the bit I wish more women heard.

Getting older doesn't mean becoming less.

Less attractive. Less powerful. Less capable. Less relevant. Less you.

If anything, I feel more like myself now than I ever have.

I'm stronger. I'm more confident. I understand my body better. I know what matters to me and I'm much less interested in wasting my time on the stuff that doesn't.

Would I like my 25-year-old skin back?

I mean… I'm not an idiot. Obviously. 😂

But would I trade everything I've gained in the years since to have it?

Not a fucking chance.

So here's to 43.

To getting older, getting stronger, finding our voices, changing our minds, setting better boundaries and occasionally putting our phones in the fridge.

I have a feeling the best bit might still be ahead of us.